Apparently, every one of your dear friends and family members assuring you that your daughter will be a good pupil is not a force strong enough to make it so. I got word yesterday from Edie's preschool teacher that Edie is being less than cooperative. I'm not shocked. But I am disappointed. And exhausted. I'd noticed the teacher's demeanor go from sunny to stoney over the last few days, but, you know, she's a young gal about the town. Could be boyfriend troubles? Or her shoes are too tight? No. It's my kid. Word is, Edie won't nap and so she's over-tired and thus she's hell on wheels in class. I'm not sure what to do, but I know that there is a waiting list a mile long to get into this school so something better change fast.
So, she refuses to nap at school. But how do you get a child with supernatural no-sleep abilities to sleep? THIS IS NOT RHETORICAL. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO KNOW!!! Edie stayed awake through international travel at 18 months, she could skip naps for the entire day by a few weeks of age if she did not have access to perfect quiet, my boobs, and her own bed. When we took her to the US from Germany at 11 months, she slept so frighteningly little during the entirety of our stay that when we finally returned home, she had lost her voice from crying and her first night back went to sleep and didn't wake up but to nurse once for EIGHTEEN HOURS. These days, to make up for her nap deficit, I am racing to make dinner early, so we can get her wound down, and then in bed, at 7 pm. But best laid plans are not enough, and she still keeps herself up until nearly 10. We are trying. so. hard. Even Will, the calmest, most loving man and dad I know, cannot keep his cool anymore.
A big part of me is beating myself up. I know I have not been the mom that she needs. But a small part of me thinks that this has been unreasonably hard. Her brother is three months old. She is two and a half. News flash, child: your long term memory can no longer reach a point before your brother's existence! She spends the day alternating between hysterical (and I mean hysterical - sounds I have never heard that manifest just utter confusion and dispair) crying, flagrant disobendience, and heart-breaking clinginess - "mommy, are you happy?" "mommy, can I hug you" "mommy, are you tired? You're not sad, mommy. You are just tired."
And while I typed, I got the second call from preschool. Come and get her. Nothing is working. The class can't function with Edie going on like this. Her brother is waking up now, and I should put him in the car seat and race there. But I don't know what to do once I get her. I'll go in a minute. I will. But I am scared of the day ahead.
I think I need to talk to someone about this. I don't think Edie needs help from someone else. She needs help from me. But I need some new tools. Because I am at a loss and losing more of both of our sanity each day. Full time three month old, part time legal work from home, a nearly expelled from preschool two year old, and now some therapy. Next up: Santeria.
Oh my Edie. You are my most sensitive, special, wonderful little girl. Let's get it together, hon. My heart is breaking. Mom's coming now.
I wish I had something insightful and helpful to offer here. Not so much... I have gone through similar things. (Trip to the principal's office on the first day of Kindergarten for instance) All I can offer is..."This too shall pass." Children are whirling balls of entropy in a constant state of change. This is independent of who their parents are or what they do.
ReplyDeleteThese are the scars of honor we bear as parents.
That's pretty insightful and reassuring, bro. It is.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing everything you can and worrying that you're not doing enough, which is not something you should ever think is insufficient.
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful, sweet, loving, patient mother (I have seen and marvelled at your mothering and wished I was as together as you). I know you know the depths of my child's depravity (and I'm sorry again we got thrown out of Starbucks) and I think, This too shall pass, is a sensible way of looking at it.
I do have a suggestion though - when Miss Molly wasn't napping at Krippe they put her in headphones with whale music or something. She didn't necessarily sleep every time, but sitting still and listening to something relaxing was good enough. Also, it seems like Edie is very much someone who likes to control her environment. Would the school be open to giving her choices about naptime, like which blanket/which toy to cuddle or none/music or none/stuff like that? Or would they set her up with a book and a Gro-Clock so she knows when she can come out racing?
Lorna, the headphones idea is EXCELLENT! I am going to suggest that she uses white noise at home. That could help. What kind of head phones do you use for Molly? She has her lovey there, and is a thumb sucker, so that's handy. I'm told she just thrashes and sits up and generally moves about so as to avoid sleep. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the encouragement, too. We will get past it. I know. This has been a slow burn. Hopefully we are near the turning point.
Krippe provided headphones, they look like the Pelton ear defenders, big noise-cancelling padded things.
DeleteRach, I don't have any advice other than to say that you are a wonderful mother and Edie is a wonderful kid. You will figure it out. I wish I was closer, but know that I am thinking about you and am always a phone call or email away. LKH
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